Hello My Name is Single

Hello My Name is Single: How I learned to ignore the World’s Expectations and Trust God.
By Adraine Dorr Heins
Overall this book is an excellent overview of multiple types of single people, as well as their struggles. All singles, like all people, face different experiences and to think you will ever find the silver bullet you are mistaken. This book cannot address every situation, nor every individual struggle. I think it has addressed the majority of struggles, though certain ones it would seem with more depth and breadth.
Adraine starts off in the introduction by explaining what the book is not.
“You won’t find Cosmo’s ‘Three Reasons Being Single Is So Fabulous’ in the following pages. You’re not going to hear tips on how to spiff up your online profile so that you’ll be more attractive to the opposite sex. You’re not even going to have to decide if you should call yourself ‘single,’ which implies an inherent aloneness, or ‘unmarried,’ which presumes that your last step to being a complete human being is to dredge up the next breathing member of the opposite sex and swap rings.” (Page 11)
She does not want to promise to provide you, or any single, with happiness in dealing with your single struggles. She recognizes that we all live under the cross.
In chapters 1 and 2 she helps to set the stage as far as how singles are viewed, feel they are viewed, and in some sense want to be viewed. In chapter 3 she outlines very well men are givers and women are receivers. Chapter 4 helps provide singles, as well as married people, what the church has said in its long history by quoting various church fathers, including the positive view of chastity and virginity.
In chapter 5, she delves into cultural history, while addressing the role of feminism (though I think it goes back to World War II). She also addresses the changes in the roles of Man and Woman. Here is where she does provide so-called dating tips with does and don’ts, I would definitely suggest reading what she tells to both genders not just your own. There are many that could apply to both genders.
Chapter 6 becomes a good sociology lesson, Adriane helps to outline the various types of single people. She addresses even their individual needs. Then sadly she falls back into dating tip mode. Chapter 7, while not helping you with tips to get a better date, suggests going on dates, where to meet, what to look for, and suggests use of online dating.
Then Adriane does move to point out the sexual component of modern dating and how difficult celibacy / virginity can be in chapter 8. In chapters 9 and 10, she expresses the difficulty of separating from a bad boyfriend/girlfriend as well as from a fantasy world (whether online or offline), to find yourself alone. In the conclusion and chapter 11, she finally moves into the way singles need to cultivate: prayer life, devotional life, relationships with the opposite sex and seeking out support.
As a single mid-thirty year old, I found the book needed as well as insightful. I found flaws in focusing on single women’s struggles more than single men’s struggles. I also found flaws in expressing her own personal experience, in some sense of hope of finding the ‘right’ person for her. This may simply be about singles thinking that non-singles can really no-longer fully understand their plight
I would recommend this quick read for pastors, parents, and teenage to twenty something singles. I feel that so-called celibates or 30+ singles will only find the first half really helpful while I might argue they already know it from experience. I would add that chapters 4-6 would make for a great classroom exercise in discussing marriage, chastity, and the roles of man and woman in Christ.

By Rev. David Knefelkamp

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